Going through kidnap stories, one sometimes finds that the victim has begged the kidnapper to let him or her go. This happens most often during the assault phase. I have so far not come across a single case where this has worked. Why is that?
Try to put yourself in the attacker’s place. He is taking a huge risk, probably investing all his courage and self-assertion in the attack. He knows exactly what he is subjecting you to. And there he is, facing you, hell bent on taking control and having his will. Can you expect him to say, ‘Oh, er, you are sad? In that case I suppose I should let you go' ?
Such pleading is in fact counter-productive.
The kidnapper may consider you a wimp and disrespect you because of that. That is a dangerous consequence, as respect is one of the most important survival factors. In general, we treat people better if we respect them. We are also less likely to kill them.
Moreover, the aspect of cognitive dissonance, which has been discussed in an earlier blog, implies that we are influenced by what we do. In general, we need to live with ourselves and consider ourselves rational and reasonable human beings. So, if we treat someone badly, we normally adapt to that, so we are inclined to think they deserve it. Thus we will like them less. This paves the way for further negative acts, which have the same effect, and we get a spiral, where we may end up hating the other person. Rejecting a plea is a negative act towards the victim. So begging for release is in principle dangerous.
We should however be aware that cognitive dissonance can also be used in our favour if kidnapped and there are simple but effective techniques at hand. These are described in Surviving Kidnappers, Precautions, Influence, Strategic Tools.
The book is currently sold out with Amazon, but available as kindle. A few paperbacks are also available from Troubador Publishing.
Try to put yourself in the attacker’s place. He is taking a huge risk, probably investing all his courage and self-assertion in the attack. He knows exactly what he is subjecting you to. And there he is, facing you, hell bent on taking control and having his will. Can you expect him to say, ‘Oh, er, you are sad? In that case I suppose I should let you go' ?
Such pleading is in fact counter-productive.
The kidnapper may consider you a wimp and disrespect you because of that. That is a dangerous consequence, as respect is one of the most important survival factors. In general, we treat people better if we respect them. We are also less likely to kill them.
Moreover, the aspect of cognitive dissonance, which has been discussed in an earlier blog, implies that we are influenced by what we do. In general, we need to live with ourselves and consider ourselves rational and reasonable human beings. So, if we treat someone badly, we normally adapt to that, so we are inclined to think they deserve it. Thus we will like them less. This paves the way for further negative acts, which have the same effect, and we get a spiral, where we may end up hating the other person. Rejecting a plea is a negative act towards the victim. So begging for release is in principle dangerous.
We should however be aware that cognitive dissonance can also be used in our favour if kidnapped and there are simple but effective techniques at hand. These are described in Surviving Kidnappers, Precautions, Influence, Strategic Tools.
The book is currently sold out with Amazon, but available as kindle. A few paperbacks are also available from Troubador Publishing.
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